Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
