I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
