i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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