1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
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