My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
