apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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