I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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