Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
