Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
