I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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