sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
