walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize
