no, he came in my armpit
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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