I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
It was confusing and full of hummus
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
