so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
