I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
