we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
