There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
