So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
