You made me cry and you don't even care
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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