Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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