I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
