hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize