I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
