Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize
