Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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