Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
