I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
