My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize