upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
