All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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