Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
