ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize
