This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Be still, my beating vagina.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
