All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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