she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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