2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize