I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Just pee around me
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
