I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
