Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
