He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
