I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
