I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
