Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
