can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize