Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
