The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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