Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize