someone threw a dead crab at me
and you said cock pushups were impossible
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
