did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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