I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize