The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
