My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
