Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
