Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Randomize
