"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
