I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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