dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
