i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
please don't ironically join a cult
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