Will you blow on my dice?
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
