Screwed.edu
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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