My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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