i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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