I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
