Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
