Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
How does it feel to date your dad?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
