his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
