That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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