I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
