i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
