I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I'm sobbing to NWA
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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