I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
