He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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