my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
