The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
