Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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