mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
