Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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