so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize
