just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
