..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
