walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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