Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
