I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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