Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
