You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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