dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
