I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
