Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I'm experimenting with sincerity
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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