we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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