Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
