i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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