If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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