Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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