He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
