No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Houston, we have a blender
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
