I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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