he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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