This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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