Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
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