i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
