I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Couch. On fire.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
