I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
