she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
splinters make it hard to masturbate
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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