apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
