i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
