Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
