I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
