Define "chronic" masturbator.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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