i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
