he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize