I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize
